“Make life count”

On this 18th anniversary of the passing of my mother I have come to say “make your life count” Dealing with loss is just brutal. February is and always will be the toughest month to go through. I have grown to accept it, but for a long time I would sulk and be depressed. My moms birthday was last Saturday and her anniversary today. Not only that but 2 years ago on February 20th the world lost the most courageous person I know my god sister Amanda. So as you can see I have plenty of reason to go sit in the corner and be upset, but I choose to live my life through them and make my life count.

I have received a lot of feedback from this blog. Most said it wasn’t for them, another person said “it’s depressing as shit”. I get it, for most people it can be depressing, but this is how I express myself. If it helps just one person then I have done what I came here to do. I see what people read and I often wonder if it’s the same person coming back to check out Good Grievings 😉

My inspiration for the post today is from Tommie Harris. Former Chicago Bears football player. He lost his wife 41 days after being married. Man, I can’t imagine that! He is making his life count and helping others. He could have turned to drinking and drugs, but took the high road and is speaking about it. He says and I quote “death is a thing that happens in life, it’s not a thing that happens to life” (think about that for a minute). That’s deep!

My friends and hopefully return readers. “Make your life count” and try not to be upset for your loved ones are always with (check out my sensing spirit post 😉). As Tommy Harris says “WE CAN ENDOUR THIS”. Watch his video below and really think about what he is saying. You can tell how passionate he is about spreading his word and how he lives his life through his wife. Thank you Tommie for sharing.

Cheers,

Tom

The Video

My ultimate goal in life is to comfort others who are dealing with the loss of a loved ones. I Basically want to show you that there is a positive in grieving. This is a tall task, a very tall task. I’m a very sensitive soul, I can sense others negativity. Not just anyone though, mostly people that I know or work with. I want to share my experiences with you like I have in previous blog posts. I want to show you that it’s ok to grieve.

My original idea was for this blog was to do that. Unfortunately it didn’t work out for me like that. My previous posts took a toll on me and dug up all the sad feelings I have, and always will. It made others upset for me and maybe made some not want to read it, and that is ok. I had to step back and take all those comments with a grain of salt. I re read my previous posts and said to myself, “man that is depressing”….

So here I am on this rainy day quarantined to a spare room cause of the flu (medicine helps) writing to you because I felt inspired after watching this video on YouTube. It’s a little long but worth it. My mom was and his my hero. It’s amazing how much I learned through her… I live my day through her. Enjoy the video and keep smiling

https://youtu.be/Bg_Q7KYWG1g

Cheers,

Tom

Another bittersweet day

Today is my oldest daughters 5th birthday. Where does time go? It was like yesterday when I first held her in my arms. It was like yesterday when I gave her her first bath, It was like yesterday when I held in her in a her room signing to her for the first time.  I miss those “baby” days.  I miss those cozy baby cuddles when she didn’t  “talk back”.  I miss those times.  As they say they grow up fast.  I now have full conversations with her. She is a Christmas geek just like me and up until a few weeks ago she is totally a weather geek like me. 

Today is a day to celebrate, a day to remember those baby days. It’s a day to celebrate the 5 wonderful years of my baby girl.   For me it is bittersweet.  It’s also another birthday that my mom won’t be here to celebrate with her. Yes, I know she is here spiritually but, Having Grandma here to celebrate would be spectacular.  My baby girl didn’t get to meet my mom, but for some reason I know she knows she’s around.  She may not realize it being so young but my mom is guiding her and watching her every move, just like she does with me. Trust me, my mom can and could do it all.  It’s as if she had super powers. She would have givin the world to my girls. She would have spoiled them wrotten.  That’s What Grandmas do……   

I see how BeeMa is around them and it makes me smile. I know she try’s her dardness to keep them smiling. I’m grateful for my girls to have her here.  I’m glad my girls are able to see what grandmas are for. To spoil and love there grandchildren unconditionally and also help out the parents a lot .  Thank you Beemaa. 😉❤️.
So today I will have a heavy heart. Today I will be a little more sad than I usually am. Most of all today I will celebrate my daughters birthday and remember that my mom is right by our sides celebrating with us and smiling as much as she can.   Maybe she is spoling them spiritually?  Can that happen?  Guess I ll never know….
Cheers, 

Tom

My mom part deux

It really sucks that my mom isn’t here. As I get older it seems to effect me more. I don’t have her to turn to for Adult advice.  I mean she hasn’t been here for almost 18 years, and you would think I would have needed her more when I was younger.   Maybe it’s cause my kids are getting older and now starting school….  maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting older and I don’t have her to talk to about random shit.  Maybe it’s because she isn’t here to say “ya done good son” even though I know she is saying it. But hearing it and thinking it, is two totally different things.   

My mom isn’t phyically here, but she’s here with me.  I always remeber her from a picture I took of her in her uniform (911 dispatcher ) standing in the door way of her room mid conversation haha.  That made me smile!!   I miss my mom and I feel for those you have lost a parent no matter what age you are. It still sucks, I’m here for you and I always feel a connection even if I don’t know you. I started this blog to help myself grieve and also try to reach others who are grieving.  I also feel like I would like to be a grief counselor of some sort…. I donno, maybe I’m just meant to write this blog and tell stories of how I grieve and how I sense spirit.   What do think?

There is one that really bothers me about not having my mom here on earth.  It’s when someone talks negatively about there mother.  I get it, some don’t have good relationships with their mothers, and some don’t talk to their mothers at all.  The ones that do please be aware that some of us have had our mothers pass on and be respectful of that.  There was a time when someone said a “yo momma joke” to me and I took offense to it.  The person obviously didn’t know my mom had passed but it still really bothered me and I got defensive.  So please be respectful.

I have been following a blog recently who has  inspired  me to keep writing and telling my story, since it’s been a while since I wrote.  I suggest you follow her and read about how she grieves with the loss of her mom #grieftohope http://grieftohope.blogspot.com/?m=1

Trust me you won’t be disappointed.   I ll leave you with this quote, since you know how much I love following @thegoodqoute

Cheers,

Tom

Post from the beach

As I sit here chillaxin (chillin and relaxin) 😬. I was thinking about how happy I am with my life right now.  Starting this blog as made me realize that I don’t need the therapy I  was always in need of.  I always told my counselor that I spoke with that I didn’t want to be in therapy for the rest of my life.  I found my out, The blog is my out.  In the beginning it was tough. All the feeling resurfacing and sad memories. It did change my mood, this is one of the reasons why I took my break from posting.

Of course I have my days like anyone else does, but I am truly happy with my life. I love where we live now and I am such a proud father to my 2 beautiful girls and my best friend and wife are always on the same page. My cousin the bloggingfromparadise.com guy continues to keep pushing to post what I feel and don’t worry about anything else. So here I am on the beach with my family and her friend who is visiting us writing to you to say continue living your life. Your loved ones would not want it any other way. Continue remembering them they way you are. Remember the happy times you had with them.  If you are having a tough time right now please take a look back at my recent posts to see what I went through in the past years, and you ll see how I got where I am.

I want to thank all of you that read my blog. Weather it is just one post or all of them.  It means the world to me to know that I’m getting the word out there. Continue keeping those happy memories with you all the time and know that your loved ones are always with you everyday.  My mom is by my side 99 percent of the time. Trust me 😉😬. Until next time live laugh love
Cheers,

Tom 

There is even grief in paradise

3 Benefits of Grieving 

Grieving can be a sucky process.

 

But sitting with your fearful, lower-energy feelings is beneficial.

 

Really.

 

I have seen – and experienced – 3 distinct benefits of grieving.

 

First off, a little backstory.

 

Many folks know me as the Blogging From Paradise guy. Smiling. Clowning. Island hopping. The “always happy” guy.

 

But even though I have shared my struggles, few folks know that like any human being, I have experienced some dark days and had to grieve my way through these circumstances.

 

My mom is currently in hospice after a 5 year bout with Alzheimmer’s. Even though she is still in her mortal coil I had to grieve the loss of her personality, her energy, her memory and virtually every aspect of her existence over the past half decade, and as she has regressed in hospice, she has all but lost her body too.

 

This process is not particularly pleasant at times. Crying, screaming, punching pillows, or sometimes, feeling out depressive, powerful feelings is like receiving an colonoscopy from a doctor who prefers using a spiked mace to get the job done.

 

But on the other side of your grieving lies blessed healing. One grieving session at a time.

 

As my cousin Tom says, there really can be good grievings.

 

Let’s look at 3 benefits of grieving.

 

1: Dissolving Depression

 

Grieving helped me dissolve depression.

 

I went through a few stages in my life of a fairly deep, dark depression. Staying in bed for weeks. Suicidal thoughts. A general malaise, like a big old black cloud over my head, following me around.

 

Grieving – through crying, or yellowing, or sobbing, or just being with my lower energy feelings, until said feelings passed – helped me dissolve the predominant, yolk-like feeling of depression.

 

If you feel debilitated by depression, take a deep breath. Relax just a little bit. Begin to slowly grieve whatever loss you feel.

 

Although you probably want to speak to a licensed specialist if you feel lost in a dark, depressive abyss this simple practice of being with your grief can begin to dissolve your depressive feelings.

 

2: Improves Your Physical Health

 

Grieving properly improved my physical health immensely.

 

I had always been a workout nut. But grieving helped me clear out some lower energies that needed clearing so I could workout and rest from a higher energy space.

 

Grief is like an energetic yolk. If you release the yolk by feeling the loss of what you grieve you will energize yourself for your workouts, whether you are walking, jogging, running or hitting the gym.

 

Don’t fool yourself; you can’t outrun your grief, no matter how much you try to outrun it by working out like a beast. You can’t get over what’s still in you. Meaning, it’s OK to workout to dissolve stress or to burn off some lower energy steam but you need to get to the core of your grief, by feeling it, to clear it out and to reap the physical benefits of embracing and releasing your grief.

 

3: Grief Is A Gift To Share With The World

 

Tom teaches you that grief is a gift to share with the world, to show you that you can still live your dreams even if you have suffered devastating losses.

 

So many individuals who may have not lost loved ones to death are still grieving other things or people in their lives. You can literally grieve over anything, or anyone.

 

Knowing this, sharing your good grievings, and how you are learning to process and release these energies will inspire other folks to feel their grief.

 

Being a world traveler, we do a terrible job in the Western world with grieving. Many people in Eastern or African cultures refer to Westerners as the Walking Dead. And I ain’t talking about the TV show.

 

We are slowly learning *not* to walk around in a grief-induced, depressive, lower-energy state. We are learning that healing can occur from the inside-out when you let loose, relax, and are present with your feelings. We are leanring that true power and strength is had in feeling pain, crying out fears or just being present with a super shitty day, versus seeking distractions or resisting these feelings in some way, shape or form.

 

Feeling your grief and sharing your stories with the world gives other Westerners and folks from all over the globe permission to feel their pain and fears, so they, too can be the beneficiaries of good grievings.

 

Your Turn

 

Are you feeling your grief?

 

What benefits of grieving have you experienced?

 

About the Author

 

Ryan Biddulph is a blogger, author and world traveler who’s been featured on Richard Branson’s Virgin Blog, Forbes, Fox News, Entrepreneur, Positively Positive, Life Hack, John Chow Dot Com and Neil Patel Dot Com. He has written and self-published 126 bite-sized eBooks on Amazon. Ryan can help you build a successful blog at Blogging From Paradise.

Sensing Spirit 

I believe this is what has been holding me back from writing more.  The fear of what I am about to write about. I shouldn’t say fear because it’s all in my mind. It’s just me holding myself back.  I don’t really care what people think, but when it comes to a sensitive subject like this for some reason I do.  As you know from reading my post about Eddie I have a heightened sense of spirit.  I’m not crazy, I’m not abnormal for being like this, heck everyone has the ability to sense spirit. There maybe some individuals out there right now that are in the same position I’m in and don’t wanna say anything cause they aren’t sure.  Well this post is for you my friend.  Tell someone, it may just help you.

Going back to my story about Eddie and what felt like a conversation with him actually being here. That made me realize that this is real, and that I can feel the presence of spirit.  There are two that are around almost all of the time. One is Eddie who I miss a little more this month since our birthdays were a day after each other. The Second one is my god sister Amanda. Those 2 are the main ones around me all the time. Protecting me and watching over me.  They say there is a “witching hour” between 3-5 am. I can’t tell you how many times I have been awoken between these times. I’m awake now because of work but I would say 5 out of 7 days I wake up between these times.  I do fall back to sleep but it takes time.

This may sound funny but I do talk to them sometimes. Sometimes I just acknowledge that they are around and go about my day. They are close to me now as I write this post. It’s a stronger presence, maybe because I’m finally writing about it, I don’t know.  As I mentioned I did do a reading with a physic medium and was told that I’m not  the type of person who would be able to handle helping others with senseing there loved ones. I was told I wouldn’t be able to handle the emotions.  I disagree with that because I as I stated I feel like I’m here to help others.  I love to comfort others in time of need, even if they aren’t looking for it.  It goes back to that sayingThis  couldn’t be more of the truth.  I never knew the relationship I have with my Cousin (the blogging from paradise guy) would be as strong as it is today. We could go a month without talking, and have a convo as if we just spoke the day before.  I have another friend that I text with almost every day  who was there for me in a time of need when my sister passed.  We could just talk shit to one another that makes no sense but that’s what friends do right. People come and people go in life, but you all know the ones that you can reach out to and will be there, even if it’s been a while that you haven’t spoke.

Back to my story, during my reading I was told specifically to pay attention to my spirit guides. I haven’t been more clear since I started to do this.  I’m a thinker, I think everything happens for a reason, which it does and some of you may not believe this.  I almost always ask my spirit guides a yes or no question about a specific topic that just happened.  Everyone has spirit guides and with my heightend senses maybe it works better for me. If you think I’m a crazy guy then so be it.  This may be helping someone, which is the purpose of this blog anyway.  These are my #goodgrievings. It’s my life and after Eddie passed it has opened me up to a whole new spiritual life I didn’t know I had.   I’m not talking spiritual life like I go to church every week and sing praise.  I’m a normal guy who has a heightened sense of spirit. It’s comforting, knowing that I have watchers….  until next time live, laugh, love goodgrievings 

Cheers,

Tom

Blogging is tough

It’s me again, I’m back!! Noone ever told me that blogging would be easy.  I mean I thought it would be since I’m writing about my life and all the crap I have been through, both good and bad.  Blogging is hard, it’s hard when you first start off. For the last couple of weeks I was thinking I ran out of things to blog about. Even though I was writing to help you, and myself it was bringing up those feelings. Sad, angry feelings.  It wasn’t that I was angry or sad but my mood seem to change.  It is probably because I’m digging up those feelings that I have and had from the loss of my mom and sister.   It’s ALL ok though.  It’s ok to feel it.  I had a convo with my cousin the other night, ya may know him. (The blogging from paradise guy) Ryan Himself.  He brought me down to earth and reiterated that it is all ok!!!!   Even with me writing and telling you it’s all ok, sometimes I have to be told the same thing.  

Grieving is something we all have got to deal with.  17 years and now 8 years today after my mom and sister died I’m still grieving in a way.  So I’m back to continue to tell you ITS ALL OK.   I have a heavy heart today.  Today marks the day 8 years ago that I lost my little sister to a heart attack.  Who would have ever thought at 25 something could happen to someone  that young.  Unfortunately it did and it’s a part of life. It’s the hand I was dealt.  So I ll truck on with my day knowing she is at peace and smiling down on me. I know she is proud of me for what I have accomplished and have done with my life so far. I ll take all these good grievings with me today, her memories her crazy self and awesome smile and know that she is always with me. 

So my friends, take the memories of your lossed loved ones with you everyday. They will help to get through the tough times. Focus on them and smile when you remember the good times. That’s what I will be doing today and everyday.  It’s the easy way to make you remember all the fun you had together.  Smile on and live laugh love
Cheers,

Tom

Signs from above 

I wanted to share a part of my day from yesterday. Signs from your loved ones are all around you. I notice them often and I don’t believe in coincidence. In one of my recent posts about MY MOM I mentioned dimes being a sign I see all the time in random places. I was at the beach last weekend and a small little butterfly flew right passed me while I was in the ocean. I mean come on, I rarely see a butterfly in the ocean. These signs are around to let you know your loved ones are watching and are with you.
Yesterday at work was a rare 3 for 3 sign day. I started at a new store a few days ago as I work In retail. I found a shirt still in plastic that had the name of my company on it. These shirts we can order for us to where and are free to us. Anyway, the size shirt was my size and earlier in the day I was saying to myself “I need to order some new shirts” later on that day I was helping a customer and there was a password that came up that I had to enter to move forward. In that password my moms initials CB and my sister initials KT for Katie where apart of the the PW. They were right after each other. I didn’t realize it at first but read it again and a smile came to my face. The last sign was later that night a girl walked into the store. I saw her a few times walking around the store but didn’t notice until she checked out that she resembled my god sister (I talk about her in my last post (living my life). The girls face was similar and had the same piercing on her face as my Godsister did.

Signs are everywhere. Open up yourself and notice them. They are around you for a reason. Another sign of good grievings! Take those memories of your loved ones with you all the time. Keep smiling 😃 Until next time live laugh love
Cheers,
Tom