Follow up to my last post

So, I went to the cemetery yesterday with just my youngest. I was gonna bring flowers, then thought it’s to hot and they will die quick. Instead with both picked some small wild flowers growing in the grass and put them on the headstone. I started to explain to my 3yr about the whole process of why people go to cemeteries. She was just asking but why dada, but why? I told her that my mommie and sister are in the ground below us. She proceeds to start playing in the grass trying to see the dirt. Now some of you may see this as strange for me to explain to a 3 yr old about the whole process, but it’s really amazing how interested she was about it. She’s at the age that she wants to know things. Weather she understands or not, it will at least sink in one day.

We went about our visit of putting the flowers on the head stone and me showing her and telling her what names are on the headstone. We both sang “you are my sunshine”. I asked her if she wants to sing or say anything else and she proceeded to say “yes, I wanna sing God our father”. This was a prayer that she and her sister said during school before their day started. She went on to sing and of course had me tearing up. She went on putting more flowers on the headstone because they started blowing away in the wind. We said our good byes and got in the car. It was an experience in itself. I believe she at least knows that they are in heaven because she always reminds me when we talk about my mom and sister. Happy smiling, your loved ones are always with you.

Cheers ,


Enjoying my life

I have been looking forward to this trip for months. One of the main reasons is for the girls to see family and actually remember it all. They were 3 yrs old and 18 months the last time. It’s gonna be a blast watching them enjoy each day.

There are plenty of other reasons why I’m going to enjoy our trip. Being with family and friends, spending time with my wife on date nights etc. I also look forward to heading to the cemetery to visit my mom and sister grave. Deep down it really hurts that I can’t go as often as I did. I used to be able to go whenever I wanted. I used to go and just talk to them (even though I know they can both hear me at anytime ๐Ÿ˜‰). I used to go and just sit in my car and think, how did I/we end up like this? Why did we end up like this? Everything happens for a reason… If my mom did not pass when I was so young I believe I wouldn’t be who I am today. If my sister didn’t pass when she was so young, I wouldn’t have what I have today. So I ll head there with my girls and hug them and I ll do what I always did. I’ll sing “you are my sunshine” to them and have a good cry and go about day. I’ll show my girls that it’s ok to be sad, even though I’m one of the happiest guys on the planet. I have excepted my life as it is now, without a Mom and sister. I ll continue to live my life knowing they are always around me. I’ll continue living my life knowing that I’m doing the best I can do, and sometimes asking myself (what would my mom do) in difficult situations. I ll keep on smiling.

As the title says “enjoying my life” which my original post was going to be about, I thought I would share with you what I did above. So I guess you ll get a 2 for 1 blog today haha.

My wife and I had a date night a few weeks ago. Friday night as been our date night since our town has a summer concert series. One Friday they had a Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute from a band called Tuesday’s Gone. What an awesome band, and great atmosphere. Skynyrd was one of my father in laws favorites. As the night went on and the music kept playing I kept thinking to myself and said “man Eddie would be having a blast” I could imagine him with a beer in his hand standing next to us doing his silly whole body dance without moving is feet (which only he could accomplish). I could imagine him singing along and smiling, just living it up. I teared up a bit just knowing he is physically missing out on enjoying all of this. Man It sucks, but I know he is with me doing that silly dance and although not drinking a beer, he’s knowing I’m enjoying myself and grieving in a good way remembering his great taste of music.



I donno

Happy Saturday peeps! You are probably wondering what’s up with the I donno? Well, I really don’t know. I have a hard time coming up with things to blog about without being repetitive. Maybe that is what blogs are supposed to be about? Are they? If you have read my blog already you know my story and where I have been (deep in darkness) to now in the happiest state of my life. But I still don’t think of a lot of things to blog about. This is one of the reasons why I contemplated getting rid of it in general. Then I created So I went on with it. I signed up for another year of blogging! I want to keep going. I know my blog has reached others to help them. I know it has reached others that have been through similar situations that I have been through.

As you have read earlier I took time away cause everything I wrote about took a toll on me and brought back all the memories of my mom and sister. It was like a relieved it again, even though my purpose was to get my story out for others. It kinda backfired in a way. I came back after a while and turned my attention towards POSITIVITY! Straight up being positive towards almost everything I do. Don’t get me wrong, I have my days but for the most part everyday I am positive.

I follow @robdial and saw a video on his site that was talking about how each of us control the way we think. I saw the video at the perfect time. It automatically sunk in, and it’s absolutely true. YOU control your own mind and YOU control what YOU think. Check him out, he has some interesting videos that will make you think…. Anyway, if you are reading this maybe you can send me an email me of ideas of what I can blog about and how I can blog more often. It makes me feel good to know others read what I blog about and I wanna keep going with it.

Well I’m off to finish my Cawwwfe and hit the beach. Make it a great one!



Sunday Dreaming

Hello again! If you are reading this, please know that I appreciate you for coming back and following along my journey. I have connected with so many positive people through twitter that it makes my soul happy. With that said, I wanted to share a dream with you that really hit me. It brought me joy, comfort, sadness, and tears all in one.

My wife and I were at a place, sort of like a shark tank (like the show). We were trying to sell or get some kinda thing patented. It didn’t work since they turned us down. We leave the place and we see another couple we know with there 1 yr old just waking around, We say Hi and leave. Next thing you know I’m walking up the front stairs to my godparents house. The house that my godmother grew up in and not the one they live in now.

I walk in and see my Godmothers oldest brother and my Father in law (ya know the spirit that is already around me) trying to fix the tv and audio sound that everyone is trying to watch. I walk to everyone and give hugs and shake hands. I walk towards my godmothers youngest brother to shake his hand and I see my father in law turning around since he was standing right by him. He was turning around sort of like a robot. He stuck his hand out and he shook my hand. It was a familiar firm hand shake. We shook and he turned back around. No smile or words just a shake. It felt so real, as if he was here today. Everyone else was carrying on and he was just going about his business. He was the only one that had passed in this dream that I realized. I woke up right after that and had to realize it was just a dream.

After a bit I fell back to sleep and back into the dream. My godmothers oldest brother was there and I asked him. Did you see my father in law helping you fix the audio? He says “no I didn’t, that was my mom! My godmothers mom was like a grandmother to my sister and I growing up. She died a year and a day before my father in law, so it kinda makes sense with the correlation with the two in my dream. This dreams brings to light that my father in law will forever and always be around me, just like he is right now….

One of my connections I have made is with a wonderful positive soul who is leaning towards starting her own dream interpretation gig. Though we have never met, It it feels like we have know each other for a while. Ever since I have met her my dreams and been more vivid of sorts, more clear and is helping understand what and how I need to deal with things in my life. Give her a follow @intuitive_light. Have a good night



Positivity is Key

2 years ago this week, my wife and I visited the city we live in for the first time. We came to scope it out and we just fell in love with it. For the year and half we have actually lived here, I would always say “it doesn’t feel like a beach town”. I guess I was kinda thinking it would feel like the Jersey shore and how everywhere you go feels like a beach town. Then again, there is no place like the Jersey Shore ๐Ÿ˜‰.

Then came today, I started working at a new store this passed Wednesday which is 5 minutes from the beach. The store happens to be on an island about 30 mins from where we live. I left a little earlier for work and by the time I was about to go over the bridge to the store the sun was rising. I drove right past the store and parked about 25 steps to the beach. I of course turned the camera on, took a deep breath and let everything go. It was so peaceful and relaxing even though it was 45 degrees, but who gives a shit… IT’S THE BEACH!!! I stayed for about 10 minutes or so and I said to myself I can’t believe this. We moved here to be closer to the beach and closer to family. And now I’m actually working at the beach. So now I can actually say that we live in a beach town and it actually feels like it just from that 10min realization.

It is crazy how positivity plays a huge role in your life. Before we moved here we would always say to each other that we would be moving. We felt it, dreamt it, made a huge sacrifice for it, and look we are here. Some people may not believe that it works this way, but it absolutely does. If your negative all the time you are blinded by all the good there is. If you eat crappy food (sometimes I do) which I’m working on, it will make feel crappy ” you are what you eat” they say. Manifest it, feel it, believe it, and it will come. Trust me! It may not come exactly when you want it to but it will, Positivity is Key!

My wife and I started following @thespiritualguidebook on Instagram. We highly recommend it. It gives you that positive boost you may need each day. Positivity, positivity, positivity Live by it. Below is the picture I snapped this morning. I hope you enjoy it. Now go and find your happy place.



My random week ๐Ÿ™ƒ ๐Ÿ˜€

Just when I thought I wouldn’t have anything to write about, random strangers came into my life and gave me ideas to put down. It’s strange how the world works. This is one of the reasons why believe your life is already set for you, and you just have to go through each day and live it. My Strong ability to sense spirit came in 2 different ways this week. I had 2 different people come into have photos printed. The first time was a girl about my age. Now I had no clue until she handed me the photo and I automatically had an overwhelming feeling that the girl in the photo had passed. I didn’t say anything to her but I just knew. This has happened to me in the past and I was right after asking that person.

The second person came in, but this time I didn’t know. I didn’t know because the person hadn’t passed. We were printing her photos and she told me that the a baby was in a coma. First thing she said was “hug your kids” I immediately got a heavy heart. I turned into the comforter, The consoler. I didn’t ask what happened, but I just told her to be strong and take each moment as it comes. She asked me to say a prayer. I told her that today was my sisters birthday and she is no longer here to celebrate with us, so you have extra prayers coming. We talked for a minute or two. I told her about how young my mom was and how young my sister was. I said there is only one road to take and it’s the high road. When someone has died or close to it, you should always want to live your life through them (goodgrievings๐Ÿ˜‰)

I shook the ladies hand and said be strong and take care. I hope to think she will remember our conversation and be able to help the parents of that sweet baby. I hope she will remember our convo and know that she isn’t alone. I hope that I helped her soul feel a little better about herself. This is one of my goals in life. To make others feel better about themselves when Grief sets in.



Itโ€™s never to late! Live your dash

“Starting over” so many people are scared of that phrase. There is absolutely no reason to be. I left the state I grew up in and for the longest time I would say I’m never leaving. I obviously left and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. After 8 years in Arizona it was time to do it again, I started over. So here’s a kid growing up telling himself that he would never leave New Jersey and live there forever. After all I had been through why wouldn’t I want to leave, Right? Some people would have just stayed and sulked about not being able to leave. My wife and I took the chance. No job and newly married, what did we have to lose? It all works out in ways we may not understand. You put your faith and trust in whatever you believe in and go with it, cause we ALL know you only live once.

I feel like your life is already planned for you, and that you just have to go along and live it the best way possible. The more positive you are about your life the easier it will be for you to see through it. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy at first. The anxiety and mind racing and all the other stuff that comes with it was all there. It took a few months and some counseling for myself to get through the change, but it was ALL worth it. Only you can make the choice of how to live your life. If something happens to you and you cant deal with it, seek the help! Talk to your friends/family, heck come here to my blog and read all my posts of the all bad hands that I was dealt and how I got through them. How I had to grow up in a blink of and eye. How I moved across the country twice. How I thought I would have a happy go lucky family growing up. If I sound a little angry, I am, but I have learned to deal with it. I will always have anger and those sad feelings. It’s all ok to have them. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. My grief has been turned into goodgrievings ๐Ÿ™‚ So keep spreading those Positive Vibes, Spread the Love, and Give a hug.



Loving spirit

Happy Sunday to all you beautiful souls. Today I have another story about a spirit that wasn’t ready to leave this earth. Is anyone ever ready to leave this earth when they die? When my mom passed away my sister and I were teenagers. If you asked me about how the day went down when my Mom passed I could tell you as if it happened yesterday.

My sister and I had friends at the house that same night. We may have been playing a game or just bullshitting. It was maybe 9pm and a phone started to ring. It was coming from under my moms radio where she had ALL of her CDs. My mom loved her music, so you can imagine how many where there. We all didn’t know where the phone was in that area but we found it. By the time we found the phone it had stopped ringing. When my sister picked it up the phone was off!!!! We were astonished, how can it ring being off? Guess it was one of the ways my mom was saying she was still around.

Now remember I didn’t start sensing spirit till about 15 years after my mom so I didn’t even thing anything of it. Just the fact that we all felt my mom wasn’t ready to leave us. She had so much more to live for. I often wonder how it would be with her here. Like, would my sister have passed too? How would my kids be with her? That night we all went to sleep. My parents had a wedding picture on there bedroom wall. It was on the wall when my dad fell asleep. When he woke up, he was holding it in his arms. All these to me now are Goodgrievings.

Continue keeping your loved ones memories with you everywhere they go.

Live, love, laugh, learn



My fuel to keep going

What’s up ya’ll ๐Ÿ˜‰. Since being in the south I hear it all the time. I say it as a joke because others still crack a joke at the way I say Water. I’m from NJ, You can’t take that outta me so fagettaboutit. So I’m here today to talk about the fuel that keeps me going everyday. The fuel at work, at home, this blog and everyday life. You all know the main fuel that keeps me going is my loving wife and 2 sweet kids. What also keeps me going is the feedback I get from this blog. Both negative and positive. The compliments I get at work, and of course my mom.

Like I previously stated I have gotten negative feedback from this blog. It fuels me because the people that have read my blog and maybe don’t care for it which is fine. I hold hope that one day it may turn them, and something I write may catch their eye or relate to them The positive aspect is obvious. It’s the ones who are in the same wave length as me and are thinking positive and trying to get their word out.

The work side of it comes from the place I’m in. I’m looked at as a high ranking employee in almost everything I do. I am a people person so I meet and talk to great people everyday. My boss is a great guy who is always giving fast feedback to make sure everyone is on the same page.

You are probably asking yourself how can my mom still fuel me to keep going. My mom is always watching over me. She keeps me going cause I try to live my life through her. Not all the time but enough. I sometimes ask myself, what would my mom do. Sometimes I tend to over think things, like a project I have to do. When I start to do that specific project, it’s like I knew what I had to do the whole time. You tell me that my mom isn’t helping me out.๐Ÿ˜Ž It may be tough to believe it if you don’t believe in that kinda stuff (sensing spirit or loved ones always with you) but trust me its true. Read my last post (life and death) and you ll see ๐Ÿ˜‰

Night Ya’ll



Life and Death

2 years ago today my God sister left this world. A strong willed, kind hearted soul. The days leading up to her passing were kinda out of sorts for me. It was tough since I was out in Arizona at the time and they were in New Jersey. I really didn’t know how good or bad she was until 13 days before she passed. I hadn’t spoke to my godmother in a few days so I didn’t know what was going on.

The night of February 7th I had an unsettling night a sleep. I felt that something was off and I had a hunch it is was Amanda. Going back to the (sensing spirit post) you already know my Father law is around a lot. Well I woke up and felt him standing in the bathroom area which was on the opposite side of the room from where I slept (he was almost always in that spot). He was there and very colorful. They say spirits are colorful once they have passed on and are in a happy place. In the doorway to our room was another presence I but couldn’t tell who it was since it was dull and grey. My father in law knew I could sense spirit, maybe he brought the presence to me to help. I tried to get back to sleep and I must have nodded off and while sleeping I heard what sounded like the voice of the tram car down on the Wildwood, NJ boardwalk that said it will be 15 days! (The tram car on The BW says “watch the tram car please”). So, I’m up again and I am saying WTF will be 15 days?

The next morning I wake up and texted my godmother to check in and told her about my night, That it was unsettling but not anything else. She went on to say that Manda was admitted to the hospital because she was having complications and so on. I then asked her when she had gone in and she said February 5th. I was like Holy ๐Ÿคฌ. Everything that happened the night before was falling into place. The presence in the doorway had to be Amanda. I contacted a medium to get clarity on how a presence could be a presence if they haven’t passed on. I was told that someone who is in the process of crossing over can be a spirit presence, but they can be very dark or grey. I was like holy ๐Ÿคฌ again. So now the “the tram car voice” that said “15 days” had to mean she was gonna pass on February 20th.

That night I woke up again and both presences were in the same place in the bathroom and in the doorway. Every night after that my father in law was around but the other presence which I assumed was Amanda wasn’t. All I could unfortunately do was countdown the days to the 20th. I didn’t know if the “15 days” was true, since I’m not a medium…. The days went on and I spoke to another medium through FB and asked a question about Amanda. She mentioned in her answer that when spirit isn’t ready to cross over they are probably holding onto something. They don’t wanna let go, just like we don’t wanna let go. She told me to say a prayer to her saying it was ok to let go and that we will all be ok. I can’t remember what night I said that prayer, but on the mid afternoon day on February, 20th 2016 Amanda passed away. She left us all empty inside asking why her?

I flew to NJ for the funeral, still being the only one besides my wife to know what had happened to me the past week. I couldn’t possibly tell this story to my godparents this soon. So I waited since we had a planned family vacation in July of the same year. I told my godmother the story of how it unfolded. She was then one of the few that new my heightened sense of spiritually. I finally felt free as if a weight was lifted off of me. Since then I felt Amanda around often, just watching out for us and making sure we are on the right track. It’s comforting to me to know I have spirits watching over me and my family.