finding the good after loss

the blog

January 10, 2021

Self care, for self healing

Posted in: Good Grievings, Help & Resources, Media

I share all of this on this site not only for me to express my thoughts and experiences, but also to hopefully help you get through. I want you to pull that Bandaid off, and not put it back on. It’s 100 percent easier said than done I know, but it’s the only way to continue to live your life through a clear lens. When we lose someone or something we spiral with all negative thoughts. I’m not saying to just forget what you have lost, It takes time. It has taken me years to get where I am now, and I still struggle. Some days are better than others, but when you get there you’ll know.

Self care is the number one priority that you need to focus on. Without you doing that you won’t function the way you are supposed to. It took me years to understand this. I wish I had someone to tell me this 20yrs ago. Now I am here for you to tell you this is the number one priority because no one else can help you with self care except you.  You can talk to a counselor, but you have to seek it, not vice versa. You can talk to family and friends, but some wont seek you to talk about things. You can meditate to release negative thoughts, but meditation won’t seek you. Do you get where I’m going with this? And that is why I’m saying you are the only one that can help yourself? 

It’s so easy to just give up and crawl under a rock. Why would you want to? This world has so much to enjoy, Yes, even with what is going on right now (because that is bigger than us) control what you can control and do it the best way possible. Don’t give up, but give in to the feelings you feel. Give in to the uncomfortableness. Give in to all the shitty messed up feelings that are in your head. I know I have done it, and still do.

Check this out: One night I woke up around 2am with this overwhelming feeling of emptiness. Not knowing what the hell it was I walked downstairs to get some water. I felt more empty, and started breathing heavy. I drank my water and than sat down on the edge of the couch in my living room. I closed my eyes and just sat there. I did a little meditation and that emptiness feeling was so overwhelming I started crying. I missed my dad so much that I couldn’t bear him not being here. See how that came to the surface. To me it was my dad trying to communicate with me to tell me everything was going to be alright.  As I sat there I kept saying I can’t handle this…… I sat there for maybe 10 more minutes and that feeling started to subside and I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. That emptiness is still there but it’s tucked away. I acknowledge it but it doesn’t really affect me since that day. I FACED MY FEAR, fear of that emptiness never ever going away.

We all know that if you suppress and don’t express whatever you are dealing with especially grief it can affect your health. Just another reason self care is priority. This past week I was so happy to be a part of a radio show called Finding the Way Back with Dr. Gabe Frank  and my buddy Brad Caldwell. I was so humbled to continue speaking grief with them.

check out the interview below.

Much love and be well,


  1. Powerful message cuz. Sitting with our feelings and feeling fear within purges the fear and fills emptiness with the love that was always there. Self-care time is time well spent.


  2. Viktoria says:

    yes, you’re real blessing, i lost both my parents some days ago, only 11 days apart…they were not very young but i didnt know it was coming…looking out for answers…hugs to all

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