finding the good after loss

the blog

August 6, 2020

Hey, I’m still here

Posted in: Healing, My Grief Story

Yes, I know its been a while since I have written. I don’t, I just haven’t been feeling it lately. Excuses? No, but I have been dealing with a lot of stuff. First I got another promotion at work, So yay to that. Oh, and work as been super crazy. I guess people are still coming back out after being cooped up in their houses for 5 months at least.

Then their has been the ongoing situations with my dad’s passing. You know all those things everyone puts off, cause they don’t wanna deal and continue to peel back that onion. Calling the bank to close out his account (which I have 5 times) to only be told 5 different things. There few others but I wont bore you with that shit. Wouldn’t you think when someone dies, especially someone like your parent there would be some kinda leniency? Like, why would I lie about my dad dying? Are people that cruel? Or are we in the day in age where everything has to be verified cause of policy? Imagine you calling a bank to close an account after explaining what had happened to your parent, and all the banker says it’s ok, no problem. I’ll close the account for you now and I’ll transfer the funds to the linked account. I mean my my name is on my dads account SMH.

Then there was our trip up north to NJ for my Dads service. It happened to be the hottest day of the year that day. I was asked what my dad would have thought about the day. I said he would have loved it. Not only because he was super extroverted but because it was exactly what his wishes were (minus the virus that is going on) The love and support my Uncles received was so awesome and attributed to the love my dad shared with everyone he knew. He was a real special guy. It was amazing how many lives he touched and what he did for so many individuals in his life. He was a great and I miss him so.

Now there is the aftermath. I feel like my dad died all over again. It took 3 months to have a service cause of the health situation. Going through all the rituals made it feel like he just died. Plus I was running on adrenaline from our drive up and seeing our family and friend we haven’t seen in two years. It really didn’t hit me until I got home. I have the tools to make these feelings right and cant let them get the best of me. Thats not who I am, although sometimes you get so wrapped up in the everyday grind that you forget. My loving wife put me on the spot to remind me of these tools and to get them going again. My breathing techniques and of course meditation. This two are legit life changers for me.

So, now I sit with these feelings of my dad, I hear him talking to me. I feel him with me. He is my favorite fan now, guiding me through this crazy world. I remember him as a younger version of himself, the dad I always knew him to be. My support and forever angel. Rest easy old man, you are now with mom and KT in your next life.

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