finding the good after loss

the blog

May 18, 2020

Grieving COVID Style

Posted in: My Grief Story, My Life

When someone dies and not just a parent, What you do you think the first thing to come to mind is? When I got the call my Dad passed was, Is there anything I regret not doing, or saying etc? At first I said to myself, shit I didn’t call him yesterday which was Saturday. Then I remembered our conversation Friday night on the way home from work. He was in the middle of eating of course, and it was one of our many short convos. We weren’t the long talk type of Father and Son. So, I asked him a couple questions and he answered, then he says let me finish up my meal. I said ok He said “I love you Bud” And I said I love you Dad. Even though I didn’t get to talk to him the day before he died, I was able to tell him I loved him in our very last conversation. It was fitting too because it was our typical phone call. Him cutting me off because he was either eating or someone was coming to help him or he had a phone call. As I mention in my last post Grieving A Parent, he loved his food.

Now what, he dies I can’t have a typical funeral (covid19 and service would be in NJ) at least the one I’m a used to. You know the viewing and conversations, then the mass, or small memorial and then the burial and repass. I had to have him cremated (which was his wish) and his remains sent to me. All I keep thinking is how do my wife and I get closure? No funeral, yea it sucks. It will happen sometime soon though. For the last 28 nights I have shared a photo of him on Facebook. I guess this was my memorial for him. A way for me my family and also his friends to remember good old “Geno” “Eugene” “Euge” Or to me just Dad. It wasn’t even planned, I just started it and it became a habit. Only thing now is, I’m running out of photos to share lol.

Some of these photos have been silly, some you know I had to bust his chops in, some of him and my kids, my wife and I with him on our wedding day. I also shared a picture of my Dad and Mom on their wedding day. The hardest part for me now is always thinking I should call him, and then remember that I can’t. I know he is right by my side. I can hear him talking to me, but that story is for another post…. How interesting that night was. I will continue to post pics of my Dad and remember him the best I know. That is, him eating food and cutting me off to finish his meal. Also remembering that I got to say to him I Love you Dad once last time.

Cheers Dad!

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