finding the good after loss

the blog

February 14, 2019

Grief affects us all differently : Guest Blogs

Posted in: Help & Resources

I have connected with so many cool, happy, positive, hip people over past 2 years.  There are few that I have been in contact with on a normal basis.  I thought it would be cool to ask them to write a blog for me to share on here.  I asked them to write about how they dealt or deal with Grief in their world.  Here is what they had to say.

This first post is from the one and only Jazz  She is an awesome soul, who I have got to know through Ash   Jazz tells it like it is, and is a great person to talk to.  In this post Jazz talks about the 3 ways she has dealt with grief after her Grandfather passed away.

Title: 3 Self-Care Strategies To Heal During Grief

When my grandfather passed away in December 2016, I felt that type of anxiety of having to drop everything and rush back home to New York. I dreaded the cold blistering air and dealing with respiratory issues didn’t make the situation any easier. Besides the weather, was the impending depressing feeling of witnessing an open casket. All of these emotions mounted as I felt my body and spirit slip into a state of numbness, seclusion, and sadness.

Grief has a way of impacting our physical health. Everything from appetite loss to emotional eating habits to anxiety, grief can cause an individual to avoid feeling the bittersweet emotions and the grief that comes with; doing so, can put a toll on one’s health in the long-term.

But even with that awareness, there is no way to avoid grief. Whether we like it or not, it is a part of this journey we call Life. I’ll admit, having to come to this conclusion took some time to understand. It served as the basis for me to seek solutions towards overcoming the grief in healthier ways.

I do believe that we can incorporate helpful self-care practices that can promote well-being so we can live our lives to the fullest. It can help to ease the grief as we recount and honor the beloved ones who have departed.

Below are three self-care practices that can help to foster self-healing in simple ways:

  • Welcome Feelings and Watch Them Go

Rather than running away from the emotions of grief, face and fell into it. Keeping them bottled up will only allow it to come back again and ruin your day. Sometimes, those very same feelings can come back with intensity. So embrace those feelings of heartache, depression, sadness, shock, and loss and acknowledge their presence.  Allow the tears to flow and the emotions to purge. In addition, give yourself a reasonable time and space to go through this process.

  • Get Out in Nature

One of the best things about meditating outdoors is feeling the warmth of the Sun. When my grandfather past away, I felt so much peace being in solitude outside in nature especially near the avocado tree he planted. It should come as no surprise that getting outside in nature to take in the fresh air is comforting and can be helpful during the grieving process. You can connect with the Earth in many ways using most of your senses: walk barefoot on the grass, breathe in the fresh air, watch the calming waters of a lake or stream, and listen to the birds’ songs. This connection allows you to centered yourself and find immense comfort.

  • Keep On Moving

The act of movement can help to release underlying grief while making your body stronger. Dancing, for example, is a fun way to channel out built-up stress and negative emotions. If dancing is not your forte, consider yoga, tai chi, pilates or some other mind-body exercises to help let go of the physical stress behind your emotions. Alternatively, even going to the gym for weightlifting can work just as well.

Grief is inevitable. However, by redirecting the low energy and choosing to foster a healthy practice is important and beneficial to our well-being. Our restoration with grief lies in the choices we make for ourselves. Be sure to make it a healthy one.

Warmest regards,

The Second post was written by my man Bryan Taylor. I met him for the first time through a podcast I did with Soul Gab with Ash and Jazz. He is a real cool dude with a lot of great stuff, be sure to check him out.   In this post Bryan writes about grief and how it pertains to him through work and relationships. He gives a different perspective, that you don’t just grieve a lost loved one.

    I was asked a couple of weeks ago to write a blog about grieving. When thinking about this, there are many ways of thinking of or looking at grieving. There’s losing someone close to you. There’s being forced to remove people from your life & the hurt that may come from releasing that person. The list goes on & on. I think writing this about the willingness to ignore grieving since I experienced this nearly a year ago, what happens when you lose a job (or are let go) & you are supposed to take time to get through that loss of being employed until finding another job. 

I’m actually going to break down ignoring the grieving from two different perspectives. The first is what I mentioned in the previous section regarding being fired & not really taking time to deal with the fact that you’re unemployed. The second direction of ignoring grieving is one that I have told numerous times regarding how hard it is for us to just enjoy being single and alone (NOT LONELY, because that’s something I’ve seen get people in trouble without knowing it). I’m gonna do my best to slow-walk these pieces & find a way to make them relatable to real life. So, without further ado, here we go.

As I briefly mentioned, nearly a year ago, I experienced a blind side form of grief. I went to work on a regular day. I was brought in for a discussion with my then-manager & noticed another manager was there (for witnessing), & I wasn’t really putting the pieces together. The main way to put it was that I had errors that caught up to me, which caused me to be let go. I was and still am accountable for that portion. When it happened, I didn’t take any days or time to myself and just feel hurt by being out of work. I started going online looking for a job, applying for unemployment, & going through the process. I had to realize that regardless, the chapter is still being written, even if I’m sitting and stopping. Luckily, I was able to bounce back within a couple of months, & despite that not working out, I got back to my drawing board & returned somewhere that always felt like & was considered home. I think that this stage of not grieving helped me to push and press forward. You may not see it as grief, but it was definitely a point of not grieving and being forced to get me in the right place for my future.

The other side of the grieving coin (that I still regret to this day) is how I never gave my heart time to heal. I was calling myself being in love. I even talked about this on my podcast. I shared how it was mostly me dating someone, getting involved, and when it was or wasn’t going right, we would call it quits. Instead of giving my mind, heart, and SPIRIT time to heal, I was basically on to the next one. One of the relationships shouldn’t have happened whatsoever. The final one was the one that caused me to be extremely patient with myself. I think that we sometimes are put in situations that cause us to wonder what we did wrong, & once we find out that reasoning and factor, then it all comes into place. I am constantly humbled by life, but I think this humbling is what caused me to really remember that it’s not all about me. I had dated once after that lack of grieving, & coincidentally, I took a HUGE break. It’s a VERY selfish break. I am glad that I did. This is the true point of learning how to grieve. Being single does consist of trying to be lonely. That’s what I pointed out earlier…the difference between being alone & being lonely. You choose to be lonely if you’re not willing to witness that there are people around you who are in your corner. That’s just the best way to see it. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed this blog. I will definitely be working harder on improving me & everything around me. Until next time, this is BT signing out.

Thank you to my friends for contributing how they have experienced grief. 

  1. T, super idea handing your blog over to Jazz and Bryan. I grieved my first breakup about 20 years ago. Different life time, it seems. I basically saw the person as dying to me since I knew we would not see each other again. Grieving takes make forms. Excellent advice here.

  2. Stephanie Wilson says:

    When I lost my husband 3 years ago, I was devastated. I did not want to be out in nature or hear the birds sing as Jazz did. I wanted to be alone in my husband’s chair, with dim lighting and a glass of wine. I needed the TV on in the other room for some noise in the house and I would sit with my memories, my dog, and cry.

    I kept busy during the week with my job as a nurse. The weekends were so long. Most of my friends were busy with family so I searched for things to do. None of my past hobbies held my interest anymore. I couldn’t read or watch a movie. I couldn’t shop because there was no material thing that could satisfy me. I did continue going to the gym, but a lot of my workouts consisted of crying. I wasn’t eating well so my strength, as well as my weight, was diminishing.

    Grieving is hard work. I did get some counseling. My counselor assured me that everything I was going through was normal. After 3 years this month, I am finally able to enjoy life again.

    Hang in there! There is life after death; it may just take a while. Everyone is different and grieves differently.

    • Thank you Stephanie, for taking the time to to visit my blog. I really appreciate it

    • Belinda Oxer says:

      Hi Stephanie
      I lost my partner a month ago to pancreatic cancer.
      I too am a nurse and cared for him 24/7.
      I am preferring to light a candle…read a book and talk to him…
      With friends visiting or phoning I am distracted….orherwise my heart is aching.
      I feel for you and hope in time I will cope much better.

  3. Sue Schreiber says:

    I lost my husband Marty in Sept of 2017 in a surfing accident. He had surfed there for 50 years, so that fateful day, as he was leaving, he said “only with your permission,” as he often did. I had no idea he wouldn”t return.
    There is a plaque on the wall in his honor. ‘Marty Mechanic Beach’. I go down there and look out at the waves that he loved and the surfers eagerly paddling to catch waves. I think of how much he loved that sport, always talking about it. How that last wave claimed his life.
    One of the things he used to do was leave me voice messages, whether he was returning from surfing or working as a mobile mechanic, the business we had for 36 years together. His messages always included “I love you” and “I miss you”.
    I kept those messages on my phone, and now, I listen to them, shuffled with my favorite music. It is so comforting to hear his voice, reminders of his love and support.
    I miss him desperately, always will. But I am so blessed to have had him!
    Thanks for the ability to share my story.

    • Sue, my heart aches for you. Everyone handles grief their own way. I’m soooo glad you are remembering your husband they way he would want you too. He is ALWAYS with you, where ever you go. Right by your side. Keep smiles and going to that beach. The beach is my happy place. Thank you for sharing your story


Leave a Reply

Thanks for stopping by! Let’s connect.
Fill out this form or email me at

get in touch


let's connect

back to the top