Good Grievings is support in extra innings

I found a blog online earlier that really hit home.  He wrote about how when someone passes, the influx of support is insane. The phone calls, messages,visitors etc are in abundance.  Then after a couple weeks, poof its gone besides a selected few.

The day I found out my mom died I was at school. I received the page on my beeper (that was a thing 19yrs ago) I called the number back and my dad said he was at the hospital and that he needed me there, but didn’t tell me what was going on. Since I had taken the bus to school his friend who was a security guard had someone pick me up.  The guy who picked me up didn’t say a word, which made the drive even longer. It wasn’t like the driver could tell me, Even if he did know what happened. We arrive at the hospital and there stands My Dad, my sister, my sisters godmother and godfather, The security guard and a nurse who was another friend of the family.  I get out of the van and my Dad says Tom, your Mother had an episode and she didn’t make it. What does an 18 year old feel after hearing those words. Everyone grabbed me not knowing if I was gonna run or what. I wound up punching the brick wall outside the emergency room. This caused me to have a dislocated knuckle and the doctors wanting me to get a tetanus shot.  I’m like what else could go wrong…..

We were at the hospital for a while, I don’t remember much after that. What I do remember vividly after leaving the hospital  is us getting home and the people that were already at the house.  My mom was a 911 dispatcher and she knew people (anyone from New Jersey knows people)  #igottaguy #iknowaguy lol.  I had friends already waiting for us. My godfather was already at the house in the kitchen. My godmothers brother is a cop in the town that we used to live in, that’s how I’m assuming he found out.  That day my mom died was so surreal. The amount of people coming and going was a gift that you never expect to happen. We had endless food, endless hugs, endless support.

The funeral was set for a Sunday, two hours in the afternoon and two hours at night.  The stream of people that came to pay their respects seemed to take forever. It just shows how much my mom was well respected, and how many people wanted  to be there not only for us but for themselves.  The next day was the service at the church. We get to the funeral home and a lot of the people returned to pay their final respects. We had a little service and on to the church, it was with a police escort of course.  As we walk into the church my Dad and I looked at each other and said WOW.  The amount of people that were at the church was jaw dropping.  The church had 4 sections to it, and it was packed.  The main seating area was packed full with everyone we know. It felt like half of the high school that my Sister, Mom and I went to was there.

After the church service we proceeded to the cemetery and then on to the re-pass, which is where most people would come to eat and decompress and talk.  We had whoever wanted to go to the  re-pass come back to our house to eat.  I don’t even remember who helped set that up, but I’m still grateful.  As the Re-pass started to wind down, and people starting leaving. Real life started to set in, the house felt empty, even though we still had some friends there. There was No MOM to be called anymore.  This is when we just wished people wold stay and never leave.  They had to leave though, Others had to get on with their lives and get back on track.  As John Pavlovitz says and I quote

Which is so true,  I’m not saying no one was there for us after the dust settled. You do  really learn who your true friends and family are after the fact.  There were some people who fell off the face of earth.  They either didn’t know how deal with my mom not being here or didn’t know how to communicate with us like they used to.   Its OK, I know it happens all the time.  People act strange when people die. Its apart of their process.   The weeks and months and years after was interesting to say the least…. I’ll leave that for another session.  Until next time.

4 thoughts on “Good Grievings is support in extra innings”

  1. The toughest part about times when we suffer horrible pain and fear and hopelessness is doing it solo Cuz. True; being with the feelings frees us, but having folks around for listening, for sharing, for a literal shoulder to cry on, makes a huge difference. Plus most humans cling to fear and pain, so they know, literally, their floodgates open the split second they begin to explore similar emotions, to what we fell, when a loved one has passed on. Most people would rather not do that LOL….it is so highly unpleasant. Super post, excellent message, and the title is clever. Well done T.

  2. Touching post, my friend. I could relate on a similar level when my grandpops transitioned a couple of days after Christmas 2016. Everyone was there to paid respects, the few are available to stay and support. While I understand people of have their own life to process with thereafter, it feels welcoming to feel the sincerity from those who still check in every so often. Thank u for sharing, peace.

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