finding the good after loss

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December 11, 2018

Religious Faith and Grieving

Posted in: Healing, My Grief Story

I was on Twitter this morning.  I read a tweet that asked,  If you have  stronger faith, does that make the grieving process easier?

I’m sure this question will get plenty of different responses. The answer for me though is No. It didn’t make it easier for me because even though I had been involved in the church growing up, I felt GOD had let me down by taking my Mom away from me. Even after all I did and believed in.  Some people think of faith as not only in God, but faith in themselves to do things with their life. Or faith that they can do crazy things like move cross-country twice =)

faith, church, grieving, loss, death, heaven, spiritualI grew up going to church every Sunday at 9am.  My sister and I  went to the same catholic school from kindergarten to 8th grade. We also both went to same catholic high school our mom went to.  My parents were a big part of the church, As they went on retreats and volunteered for almost everything. My sister and I did all the sacraments, and Sunday school. My families faith in God was real and it seemed like nothing could break it. When we got older and I went into High School we stopped going to church all the time. This didn’t mean our faith in the church, God and each other wasn’t still there.  We grew away from the every Sunday mass. I still used to go by myself, since the church that was apart of my HS was down the block from our old house.

My first ever job was working in the church on Sunday mornings. I used to set up for all 4 services. I made sure the priest’s garments were out and all the things were lined up. Even though I got paid for it, I felt there was more, I even thought about becoming a priest while working there. I was 17 and had no clue what I wanted to do with my life yet.  I was going to school, playing basketball, working on Sundays and doing homework.   I kept working in the church until I graduated from high school.  8 months after that is when my MOM died.  My faith hit rock bottom.  I was obviously angry at first, I was angry at GOD for taking my Mom from me.  Maybe it was because I was young when it happened and I didn’t know any better. Maybe my faith wasn’t as strong as I thought it was.

You are probably asking yourself, Why be mad at God?  He is the one you should turn to in times like this, and not be mad at him.

It took me a long time to understand that you can’t be mad at God for taking a loved one from you, even though that is what makes most sense at that time. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some days I have anger about this. In those times I remind myself that I might not be where I am today if my mom was still here. I might not be the man I am today if it wasn’t for this tragedy. Had I been older when my mom passed, maybe my answer to the question above would have been yes. I still do have faith in God, even though I haven’t been in a catholic church since my sister passed almost 10 yrs ago.

I would love to hear what your answer would be to the question above and why. Send me a message and let me know.

I want to thank  @maryanne_pope  her site is  for the inspiration on this post.  I absolutely love what she posts to her feed and love her site.

  1. I like it T.

    My experience; God allows everything to happen FOR us, not TO us. Sometimes we believe if we have faith in God, everything goes how we want it to go. But it never happens this way. We are happy and of service and believe deeply in God because of the fear-pain we purge after trauma, in most cases.

    My mom’s experience helped me feel and purge so much fear, anger and pain so I could live and teach others with poise, calm and peace. I also accepted the spirit in my mom’s body chose this experience, even though my mind cannot understand it. Spirit is forever, and has different motives/intents. You are seeing this too; that shocking death helped you feel fears, which created the springboard for your moves and for you following your dreams.

    For every happy, successful person I know, trauma is 1 catalyst for greatness.

    • That is so true with what you said in your last line. It is a catalyst for greatness, if that person chooses the right path to take to deal with grief,

      I appreciate you bro!

  2. Nancy Faver says:

    Angry at God, no . The nurse in me kicked in as my dad’s illness progressed. I think I had pre death grieving as I understood it would not be long, although it was horrible after he passed. There were times that and still are that I get angry when I see patients who do absolutely nothing to help themselves and my father did everything to stay alive AND at times that my father is not here to see his grandchildren, that includes you to see how successful and wonderful they are! You know I don’t go to church. But I do believe there is a spirit there that carries us through. Nancer

    • This just proves that everyone grieves differently. You had the time to prepare yourself for what was coming. It’s hard to see others not do what you know they could be doing, to better help themselves. I think everyone who has lost someone in the past and even present will still deal with some kind of residual anger towards the loss of a loved one, we are human right? Thank you Nancer. 😎😉

  3. JAZZ says:

    First and foremost, I love how vulnerable your writing is! Awesome post and thank you for sharing.

    I have to agree with Ryan: “God allows everything to happen FOR us, not TO us.” and it’s true everyone do grieve differently.

    Since becoming more spiritually inclined, experiencing grief took me by surprise. While I thought I would be angry about it, I felt more at peace. I view death differently and see it more in terms of a transition period. A transition towards elevation and greatness. While the body form is not here in the present, I view their spirit encompassing my life at all times giving me serenity and guidance through my time here on Earth. Once I shifted my perspective, I felt immensely humbled and grateful. I’m sure not everyone is gonna have the same viewpoint but that’s ok too! Bc how we choose to deal is what makes us all beautifully human.

    • I appreciate you Jazz, and thank you for the kinds word. Not everyone will have the same viewpoint, like you said. That’s what makes us all unique. It just proves that everyone grieves differently.

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