I was on Twitter this morning. I read a tweet that asked, If you have stronger faith, does that make the grieving process easier? I’m sure this question will get plenty of different responses. The answer for me though is No. It didn’t make it easier for me because even though I had been involved in the church growing up, I felt GOD had let me down by taking my Mom away from me. Even after all I did and believed in. Some people think of faith as not only in God, but faith in themselves to do things with their life. Or faith that they can do crazy things like move cross-country twice =)
I grew up going to church every Sunday at 9am. My sister and I went to the same catholic school from kindergarten to 8th grade. We also both went to same catholic high school our mom went to. My parents were a big part of the church, As they went on retreats and volunteered for almost everything. My sister and I did all the sacraments, and Sunday school. My families faith in God was real and it seemed like nothing could break it. When we got older and I went into High School we stopped going to church all the time. This didn’t mean our faith in the church, God and each other wasn’t still there. We grew away from the every Sunday mass. I still used to go by myself, since the church that was apart of my HS was down the block from our old house.
My first ever job was working in the church on Sunday mornings. I used to set up for all 4 services. I made sure the priest’s garments were out and all the things were lined up. Even though I got paid for it, I felt there was more, I even thought about becoming a priest while working there. I was 17 and had no clue what I wanted to do with my life yet. I was going to school, playing basketball, working on Sundays and doing homework. I kept working in the church until I graduated from high school. 8 months after that is when my MOM died. My faith hit rock bottom. I was obviously angry at first, I was angry at GOD for taking my Mom from me. Maybe it was because I was young when it happened and I didn’t know any better. Maybe my faith wasn’t as strong as I thought it was. You are probably asking yourself, Why be mad at God? He is the one you should turn to in times like this, and not be mad at him. It took me a long time to understand that you can’t be mad at God for taking a loved one from you, even though that is what makes most sense at that time. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some days I have anger about this. In those times I remind myself that I might not be where I am today if my mom was still here. I might not be the man I am today if it wasn’t for this tragedy. Had I been older when my mom passed, maybe my answer to the question above would have been yes. I still do have faith in God, even though I haven’t been in a catholic church since my sister passed almost 10 yrs ago.
I would love to hear what your answer would be to the question above and why. Send me a message and let me know. I want to thank @maryanne_pope her site is thepinkgazelle.com for the inspiration on this post. I absolutely love what she posts to her feed and love her site.