finding the good after loss

the blog

August 24, 2018

I used to

Posted in: Good Grievings, Healing

I used to get upset when I saw a tv show where a son hugged his mom. I used to get emotional when I would see a son hug his mom in public. I used to get upset when I saw a family of 4, like mine growing up out at dinner. I used to get so angry that that wasn’t going to be us anymore. I used to ask god why and get mad at him. I used to just curl up and stay in bed. I used to be that one person that no one wanted to be around, because I was so miserable. I used to be so upset I would cry and scream because my mom wasn’t here with me.

Fast forward 9 in a half years. My sister dies on the way to the hospital. It was an hour away from where I was, she died from a heart attack. Now, times all that what I said above by 2. I mean really, why me I asked myself? I used to, I used to, I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I still do. I still get that emptiness in the pit of my stomach when I see others families out and about. I still do get that feeling when a son hugs his Momma. It’s different now though. With all I have been through, with all the help along the way, with the writing, with the strength of my wife, I actually smile.

I smile knowing they have each other. I smile knowing they get to spend that quality time. I smile knowing my mom is right by my side.

I know it sounds strange, but if you are in the dark now you can turn that around. I didn’t say it was easy. That’s why I am here and chose to put my heart out. It’s to reach you or maybe someone else to get where I am. I am not perfect, I think about how life would be if my mom was still here all the time. Just last night at dinner I told my wife that I don’t think I would be the same person as I am if my mom was here.

Everyone has days when they are sad, depressed, and anxious. I’m the same way! You may see me on twitter promoting positivity and all that good stuff, but I have my days. I do get anxious and sad.

What works for me are:

1. Deep, deep breaths. Like one of those clear your mind breaths. Breathe in deeply with the positivity, and breathe out with the negative crap.


2. Remembering how your loved one was and how they made you happy “taking the memories of your loved ones with you wherever you go.

Keep smiling, keep shining. It’s the only way I know. If you are really feeling down, come back and read some of earlier posts and see that you are not alone in the crazy world. Till next time goodgrievings



  1. Allowing your feelings to open your heart versus closing your mind is a wonderful, blessed process. It is THE way to go, to predominant happiness, health and wellness. No way around it, just through it. Tweeted for ya.


    • Exactly bro, looking on the bright side is the path everyone needs to take. It is easier said then done but, if you have a The right people around you the process is easier.

  2. Tom, this blog was fantastic! I felt every word. It is so meaningful to me to read ‘authentic’ words from people who aren’t afraid to acknowledge their hard times, and let their ‘real’ feelings be openly expressed. So many people are afraid to acknowledge their pain and hard days… They just keep hiding their hurt behind a fake smile and fake positivity. It’s horrible to recognize your truth… It inspires others. Great blog! Thank you for sharing 🧡❤

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