Quick thoughts

Not everyone can be super positive and upbeat each day.  There are days when I am feeling anxious, there are days when I feel down. If you follow me on twitter you may see me sending positive vibes and cheering others on.  You may see my feed and say to yourself, “wow this guy has got it together”  For the most part I do, and I love the connections I have made on social media. There are some days I just need to step back and let the day unfold.  If any specific day has me down, I have learned to tell myself that tomorrow is a new day.

With today being National Grief Awareness Day I wanted to thank those of you who signed the petition that I shared on Twitter. This petition was put out by Ms, Angie Cartwright in hopes that our government would recognize this day each year. I loved what she said on the site that I’m about to share.  https://www.change.org/p/declare-august-30th-national-grief-awareness-day   “silent grief, can become deadly grief”  I also wanted to mention that in the past week I have been seeing grief being talked about more and more.  Grief is not something that should be put to the side.  Grief is real and the more we talk about it, the more others who have lost loved ones will realize they aren’t alone in the process

Speaking about grief, can you grieve someone who is still with you? Think about that for a second. I have been thinking about that all week. You see my oldest daughter started kindergarten this week.  When I was driving her to school I thought about giving her, her first bath in the hospital when she was born, and my eyes welled up with tears.  So, the answer is YES! You can grieve someone that is still with you. I have been grieving that my baby isn’t a baby anymore. Everyone may interpret this differently since everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. My point is that you/we need to recognize it and speak about it no matter what. Thank you for reading my random thoughts about my week. live,laugh,love

Cheers,

Tom

 

 

 

I used to

I used to get upset when I saw a tv show where a son hugged his mom. I used to get emotional when I would see a son hug his mom in public. I used to get upset when I saw a family of 4, like mine growing up out at dinner. I used to get so angry that that wasn’t going to be us anymore. I used to ask god why and get mad at him. I used to just curl up and stay in bed. I used to be that one person that no one wanted to be around, because I was so miserable. I used to be so upset I would cry and scream because my mom wasn’t here with me.

Fast forward 9 in a half years. My sisters dies on the way to the hospital. It was an hour away from where I was, she died from a heart attack. Now, times all that what I said above by 2. I mean really, why me I asked myself? I used to, I used to, I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I still do. I still get that emptiness in the pit of my stomach when I see others families out and about. I still do get that feeling when a son hugs his Momma. It’s different now though. With all I have been through, with all the help along the way, with the writing, with the strength of my wife, I actually smile. I smile knowing they have each other. I smile knowing they get to spend that quality time. I smile knowing my mom is right by my side. I know it sounds strange, but if you are in the dark now you can turn that around. I didn’t say it was easy. That’s why I am here and chose to put my heart out. It’s to reach you or maybe someone else to get where I am. I am not perfect, I think about how life would be if my mom was still here all the time. Just last night at dinner I told my wife that I don’t think I would be the same person as I am if my mom was here.

Everyone has days when they are sad, depressed, anxious. I’m the same way! You may see me on twitter promoting positivity and all that good stuff, but I have my days. I do get anxious and sad. What works for me is 1. Deep Deep breaths. Like one of those clear your mind breaths. Breath in with the positivity, and out with the negative crap

2. Remembering how your loved one was and how they made you happy “taking the memories of your loved ones with you wherever you go.

Keep smiling, keep shining. It’s the only way I know. If you are really feeling down, come back and read some of earlier posts and see that you are not alone in the crazy world. Till next time goodgrievings

Cheers,

Tom

Grieving our Cat

I never had a pet growing up. It honestly never came up in  conversation.  Now that I think about it, its kinda strange we didn’t have one. What kid doesn’t want to have a cute little kitten or puppy running around.  My youngest daughters birthday isn’t until January and she is already asking for a cat…

My wife grew up with several pets. She actually rescued one at the time we started dating, His name is Gato (spanish for cat). As the years went on (Gato) grew on me.  When it was time for my wife (girlfriend at the time) and I to move into our own place together Gato came along. Ya see my wife also had two other dogs and a cat that lived in the house with her. We felt bad for Gato, he looked lonely.  He would just sit under the bed for days. A few weeks later we decided to get another cat for Gato to play with. We named the cute little kitten Sophie They became best friends, yea there were fights here and there but they both were happy.

We lived in that apartment for three years until we decided to make our first cross-country move. Finally after 5 days of driving with all our stuff and 2 cats we arrived in Arizona. 2 years into living in our house we were getting ready to have our oldest daughter.  Gato became very territorial. He went from sleeping in the bassinet we had ready for the baby, to just being very jealous I guess. We didn’t want to take any chances with Gato and the baby being in the house together. Not that we didn’t trust Gato, so we decided to have Gato stay with my mother and father in law. Now, Sophie on the other hand was a super chill cat. I mean we did adopt her from my home town so she had to be chill right? Sophie was super protective of the baby. She would sleep on the corner of the bed, right by the bassinet. It was like she was protecting her.

Almost a year and a half later I was awoken by Sophie crying, like yelping in pain. My wife and I were like WTF.  It was about Midnight and Sophie was down the hall just crying as if she broke a leg. I ran back to the bedroom and told my wife. By the time I got back down the hallway Sophie had jumped into the tub in the front bathroom.  I took her out of the tub and brought her down to our room and placed her on the bed with my wife. Not knowing what was going on, we googled the closet animal hospital, which was 30 mins away. It’s now about 1230 and I’m getting Sophie in the carrier to bring her to the vet.

They took her back and I waited which seemed like forever. While I was waiting I was talking to the receptionist. This girl reminded me so much of my sister it wasn’t funny. It was just the way see presented herself.  I actually told her that she looked liked my sister.  Anyway, I finally got called back and it turns out that Sophie had a “saddle thrombus,” (blood clot that affects the hind legs) I had no clue WTH it was. I asked the doctor if she would make it, and if we were going to have to put her down.  I felt so bad, they were gonna keep her over night and I was to come back in the morning. Before I left I went back to see her in the cage and told her I would be back for her tomorrow.

We did our research on the symptoms of Thrombus. We went back to the hospital around noon the next day. The doctor told us that Sophie wasn’t able to fully use her back leg. They say pets know when there time is up. Some animals crawl into dark spaces when its there time. Others like Sophie showed no emotion. She sat there with my wife and I just starting at us. No purring like she usually did when we petted her. Just a blank stare, all three of us knew it was her time. The doctor came into the room and we told him our decision. He asked if we wanted to be there for her last moments, and of course I said yes. My wife stayed behind. The Doctor explained what would happen and that it would be quick and painless.  I stood there over Sophie watching her blink every so still. I was petting her trying to hold back the tears. The Doctor says “its done” I gave her a kiss and walked away, and started crying like a baby.  Who knew losing a pet would be this painful. To this day I still say that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  Sophie now stays with us all the time. Her ashes are inside a little tie die box. On the front of the box it has her little paw print which is a  symbolic way to remember that super chill cat.

It has been 4 years since Sophie left us and we still bring up stories about her.  My oldest daughter will just randomly say  “I miss Sophie”, and we will say “yea we do to Bri”    Till next time Let your Grief Heal You.

Cheers,

Tom

There is a first time for everything

I did my first podcast last Saturday and it was AWESOME! (Link below) @soulgabashjazz are the best. I don’t know why I was a bit nervous about it. Maybe it was out of my comfort zone? I have a blog, so all my life’s tragedies and pain and happiness are out there. So what was it? It was something new! That’s it’s, and now that I got through that the second and third and so on will be easy. I actually loved speaking about what I write about. I think it gives the readers I have a different perspective about what @goodgrievings is all about. It was kinda cool putting a voice to the writing. I know there are some that are skeptical about some of my stories, but I’m not the one to just put my stuff out there without there being any truth to it.

My word is my bond, I want others to be comforted by what I write. I want others to know that if you do have these same feelings and sensations, you aren’t the only one. It’s all real! Everyone has the ability to sense spirit, some are just stronger than others. For the time being I’m not foreseeing this ability to much. The main reason is because it is draining. You also have to be great at keeping yourself grounded, since there is bad spirit out there. I have had an instance in the very beginning when I was unaware of the full ability when I was spiritually attacked. It feels like your breath is being taken away from you and your chest is super heavy. Take my advice, if you have this ability and you move forward with it. Be careful! It’s real! #FRFR

There is a first time for everything, I mean I was nervous as hell to get my first post out there. I reread my posts after the podcast and I have seen a great improvement in what I write. Heck my first post wasn’t even a full paragraph, Lol. I’m not sure what the next first thing there is for me yet. I many ideas, maybe my own podcast? Maybe something more. I guess you will just have to keep checking back to see what my next first thing will be.

Here is my first podcast. Hope you Enjoy!

https://anchor.fm/soul-gab-with-ash–jazz/episodes/Episode-18-e1v0kq

Cheers,

Tom