finding the good after loss

the blog

May 3, 2017

My Mom!!

Posted in: Good Grievings, Healing, My Grief Story, My Life

What’s up world/friends/family?

My Mom…. Where do I start? She was my world, my mom taught me  almost everything I know in my 18 years with her. The funny thing is I don’t even remember her teaching me specifically.  I must have been a good observer as a kid. After she passed I turned into her, not literally obviously but you know what I mean.

My Mom…. She was a unique one to say the least. She was very out spoken, and didn’t care what anyone had to say. She did what she wanted to do and that was that. My mom gave my sister and I everything we needed, even if she didn’t have it for herself. Now I know that is what parents do. I helped her as much as I could. Almost everything I helped my mom with when I was younger prepared me for the future.   Some things I did have to figure out, but don’t we all have to do that?  I guess in a way the world was preparing me for life with out her.  Of course I wasn’t thinking about that then right?Now that I look back on it, Life prepares you for the unexpected all the time.

My Mom was a kind soul, even though she didn’t take crap from anyone.

My mom was at every sporting  event my sister and I had.  I can still hear her screaming “BUD, FOLLOW YOUR SHOT”  Bud is and was what my parents called me growing up. My dad still calls me that today =) My Mom was always giving me advice, even if I didn’t ask for it. She was my rock, my sidekick of sorts. We had a great relationship, she trusted me and if I got out of line I knew her motherly instinct would kick in.

My Mom…. It’s hard for me to remember specific things about my mom other than those. I guess when people/loved ones have been gone for a long time those memories fade so you can create new ones.  The memories I keep of my mom are good one of course, but at the same time the sadness of her not being here makes me angry and sad still 17 years later. Angry because she isn’t here for me, Angry because I had to grow up quick, and miss out on things I may have thought of doing. I’m also sad because she isn’t here. I’m sad that she will never meet her granddaughters. I’m sad that she left my dad alone in this world. I’m sad that she never got to meet my beautiful wife, I’m sad that every mothers days I have tears in my eyes.

My Mom…. The good in the above paragraph is that it’s ALL OK to feel this way.  It’s ok to be angry, its ok to be sad, its ok to be pissed off that your mom/dad etc isn’t with you. Do you know why? because they ARE with you. They are with you every single day of your life. They are in your heart, they are in the air, they are in that sudden breeze that you feel out of nowhere, they are in your dreams. They are the ones that leave (Dimes) in random places (Thanks E for that one) BTW that is a thing, Look it up if you don’t believe me. =)

My point is friends, It is OK to feel anyway you want when you lose a loved one. Its called Grieving. It took me a long time and a lot of soul-searching to realize that this is all ok. It took years of counseling and practice to accept what I have had and still am going through everyday. I live my life now as if my mom is with me.  I talk to her all the time, because I know she hears me and is proud of the man I have become.  So remember, there are “Good Grievings”



  1. It is so so SO OK to be angry and pissed and upset about her passing. This is wisdom. Because most of us humans fight and resist the feelings, only making them stronger, when we lose loved ones. Accepting feels terrible at times but it allows us to move on with our lives, so we can first function, then, be productive, then, live our dreams.

    Fabulous advice T. And hearing the FOLLOW YOUR SHOT line literally replayed the line, in her voice, in my head. I do recall her yelling that quite a bit. Basketball fundamentals, 101. She was always front and center at games, supporting. My dad noted too how she was a very good player in high school as well.

    Much love,


  2. AJ says:

    I love that you say you find dimes… When we were in school, she never put pennies in her loafers… It was ALWAYS dimes with her!! Enough to make a phone call from a phone booth!!!!! Lol you have to be our age to remember this!
    Love you Tom ❤

  3. Ruthy says:

    Thank you for sharing..your mom would be more then proud. You are amazing !

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