Losing someone sucks. It sucks big time, but it’s a part of life. That’s the easy part to accept. Everyone grieves in different ways. Some drink, some turn to drugs, some turn to food to comfort and suppress the anxiety and pain. Let me tell you, that isn’t the way!!!!
The process didn’t really start for me until my mom passed. Even though I had 3 close family members pass before this. I thought I was fine I was working and hanging out and suppressing it all. I thought I was good. I didn’t think I needed help. I was too distracted taking care of my dad, who was completely lost with out my mom. That wasn’t his fault it’s just how it turned out. My Mom did everything for us. I guess I kinda filled that roll. Without anything being taught to me, I somehow knew how to do things (paying bills etc…) even at 18.
I think it was about a year after my mom passed away my dad had to have back surgery which at the time seemed like the right thing to do. He came home and about a week later he lost complete control of his legs. Turned out it was a complication to the surgery. He wound up in the hospital for exactly thirty days, 30 longggg days. He then wound up in rehab for about a year after this.
Now what do I do???? My mom is gone my dad can’t walk and is in rehab and my sister and I didn’t really get along at this time (more on her in a bit) I’m alone in the big house saying “What the Fuck did I do to deserve this”??? I spent each day going to work and going to see my dad. Everyday!! I felt like he needed me there to be with him. I didn’t want him to be lonely.
I woke up on a Monday about 2 years after my mom passed and I wanted to move but my body didn’t let me, I had an anxiety attack. I was out of work for a week and didn’t do anything but eat sleep and watch TV. That’s when I realized I needed help and I needed it now!!
As you can see I was grieving but didn’t realize it. I was keeping myself distracted for what at the time seemed like good reasons, but I wasn’t looking out for me. I was suppressing my feelings, not expressing them. I Lost my mom at 18, I know I’m not the only one to say this, and that’s why I’m here. To let YOU know there are good grievings.
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