The Distraction

Losing someone sucks. It sucks big time, but it’s a part of life. That’s the easy part to accept.  Everyone grieves in different ways. Some drink, some turn to drugs, some turn to food to comfort and suppress the anxiety and pain.  Let me tell you, that isn’t the way!!!!

The process didn’t really start for me untill my mom passed. Even though I had 3 close family members pass before this.  I thought I was fine I was working and hanging out and suppressing it all.  I thought I was good. I didn’t think I needed help. I was too distracted taking care of my dad, who was completely lost with out my mom. That wasn’t his fault it’s just how it turned out. My Mom did everything for us.  I guess I kinda filled that roll. Without anything being taught to me, I somehow knew how to do things (paying bills etc…) even at 18.

I think it was about a year after my mom passed away my dad had to have back surgery which at the time seemed like the right thing to do. He came home and about a week later he lost complete control of his legs. Turned out it was a complication to the surgery.  He wound up in the hospital for exactly thirty days, 30 longggg days. He then wound up in rehab for about a year after this.

Now what do I do????  My mom is gone my dad can’t walk and is in rehab and my sister and I didn’t really get along at this time (more on her in a bit)  I’m alone in the big house saying “What the Fuck did I do to deserve this”???  I spent each day going to work and going to see my dad. Everyday!!  I felt like he needed me there to be with him. I didn’t want him to be lonely.  Well this all caught up to me. I wasn’t taking care of myself.

I woke up on a Monday about 2 years after my mom passed and I wanted to move but my body didn’t let me  I had an anxiety attack. I was out of work for a week and didn’t do anything but eat sleep and watch TV.  That’s when I realized I needed help and I needed it now!!

As you can see I was grieving but didn’t realize it. I was keeping myself distracted for what at the time seemed like good reasons, but I wasnt looking out for me.  For sake I Lost my mom at 18, I know I’m not the only one to say this, and that’s why I’m here. To let YOU know there are “good grievings”

Cheers,

Tom

 

 

 

 

 

The start of it all

It started in 1994, I was 12 and lost Ed who was like a grandfather to me.  Exactly 2 years later I lost my grandfather (my moms dad) in the very house I grew up in. Two years later I lost my grandmother (my dads mom) suddenly.

Being so young I really didn’t know what grieving was.  I didn’t know someone could be so upset over losing someone plus I had school and basketball to keep me distracted.  I didn’t know there could be “good grievings”

 

18 months after my grandmother died my world was totally flipped up side down.  I learned that my beautiful, caring, and compassionate mother had passed away. (More on this in a bit)  I had a few friends/family/acquaintances  pass away after my mom passed. The years I really can’t remember exactly.

Years passed and in June 2009 I lost my little sister Katie at the age of 25. A few years later I lost my father in law Ed. Most recently about a year ago I lost my courageous godsister Amanda at the age of 30. In May of last year Uncle Bob passed away unexpectedly.

Through all of this I have learned a lot and have lived my life to the fullest. I have learned that there are “good grievings”

Cheers,

Tom

 

 

 

About Me

For the last 3 years I have been contemplating doing this, and today I’m actually doing it. Doing it = #blogging

Hello,

My name is Thomas Biddulph, I’m 35 years old. I am married to my best friend and soul mate Alaina.  We have 2 girls, Brielle who is 4 and Cecilia who is 2.

My purpose is to not only help you, but also help myself with my posts.  I want you to know that there really are “good grievings” I want to tell my story so here is goes.

Cheers,

Tom